Dating during divorce can have legal consequences both for the divorcing spouse and their new partner.Dating while separated can hold up and complicate the divorce proceedings, can effect custody and visitation decisions, and rarely but possibly, depending on the state, may be grounds for a lawsuit.By putting more pressure on him, I pushed him away.
That’s not exactly how he said it, but I got the message: I had a temporary reprieve from judgment. In The Nervous Breakdown essay I wrote a few weeks ago, there is a line where I say “I’m doing great, the kids are happier, and my new girlfriend blows my fucking mind.” The first three words of this are a complete fabrication, and my male friends, knowing how men must be, immediately saw through it—the tenor of our conversations about sports, with the occasional drunken dip into my sorrows, did not change a beat. My female friend R., however, who, like J., is a professional friend who became acquainted with my wife through me, asked my wife to a party that I was also invited too, calling my wife to see if it was OK. A mere 20 minutes after the phone call to my female friend R., I sent “the email.” I’m in a writing group dominated by women, and in a writing group dominated by women, there is occasionally gossip.We had several great months together and he said he loved me and was making long term plans with me. And yes, this is going to be a transition time for him and that is probably a good thing for you.Only a month after all this he is backing away, acting distant and telling me we need to sit down and have a long talk. He is closing up his old life and moving to a new life with you. I think that I am suffering from a bit of depression and it has affected how I am responding to his comments.Having dated a divorced guy, I can speak from experience of what to do and the mistakes to avoid if you do decide to go down this path with a divorced guy, especially if they have kids.DATING MISTAKE 1: I ignored the signs of his opinion on kids.